I smell Ren all of the time. I really do miss her. I feel sick. I am hurting. And I don’t know what to do. So I pray…and smell her all around. Feel her in the wind. And hold the small green butterfly that hangs round my neck, still keeping me safe.
I had my lunch at Burger King today. (And by had I mean I spent my half hour there sipping on a coke. I haven’t been able to eat anything. I’ve been sick to my stomach since Saturday night. Throwing up and all. Nothing but liquids for me.)
The rain was just starting to sprinkle down. And an older couple walked in, ordered, and sat in the booth just across from me.
He still held the door for her. Made sure she sat first. Asked her if her food was good.
He was still dating his wife. They had been married for probably at least 40 years, and they were still getting to know each other.
And they each still had that gleam in their eyes. There had been fear. There had been joy. There had been pain. Sorrow. Happiness. Joy. And they were still happy.
But above all this: they prayed.
They sat down to their food. Bowed their heads in a crowded fast food joint. And thanked God for every blessing and troubles from the past that brought them to this day. And they thanked God for each other.
I thought of the girl, my dream girl, who before we even exchanged names, plopped down in the mud and prayed with me. It was a beautiful prayer. Simple. True. And so full of meaning and understanding. And before every meal we shared we said a prayer. And when anything was troubling us, we prayed together.
I miss that.
And I want that.
I want to date my wife until the day we die. I want to always find her a mystery. To never be bored, but always absolutely amazed.
And always pray.
I miss the dream girl. I miss Ren.
But I now know that she does truly exist. She is not just a dream anymore.
She is a blessing to me.
I am not giving up.
These things take time. And I believe that God brought us together for a reason.
So I am chasing. Praying. And hoping.
Please pray for (me, her, us).
And when you find what you have always wanted and looked for, even if you find it when you aren’t looking, don’t let go.
“Orange you glad”—There is this beautiful girl that says orange as owange. I really miss her. I have dreamed of her for a very long time. I have never smiled so much in my life. I am chasing her. I believe in this,and this time I really do. I don’t know why ANY of this has happened, but I am so very thankful. She is a blessing. Its not fair,and right now it doesn’t have to be. For the first time in my life I’m not looking for anything. I’m just looking. And I have never been so happy. I am in love with her. She is running, and so I am chasing her.